Broken Spells and Wounded Hearts
by starrylaa
Summary: Gwen will never know the reason for Arthur’s anguish that day, nor why Merlin walked around as if his world had been shattered. Two years later, everything changes and her world shatters too. Set after Sins of the Father.


**Broken Spells and Wounded Hearts**

**Rating**: PG

**Pairing**: Gwen/Merlin (friendship), Merlin/Arthur (friendship or de-friendship, should that be), Gwen/Arthur, allusions to Merlin/Morgana

**Disclaimer:** Merlin belongs to the BBC.

**Spoilers**: Based on the episode "Sins of The Father"

**Summary:** Gwen will never know the reason for Arthur's anguish that day, nor why Merlin walked around as if his world had been shattered. But two years later, Arthur becomes king and he finds out Merlin's secret. Betrayed and angry, he banishes Merlin away and forced to make the hardest decision of her life, Gwen follows.

**A/N**: Yesterday's ep broke my heart! Even though the reset thing complicates things, it was definitely worth it if only to see Colin's portrayal of being immensely broken-hearted by a dear friend. But I really do hope that Arthur's reaction to Merlin's secret will be the opposite to this.

***

Gwen will never know the reason for Arthur's anguish that fateful day. When he brushes past her in the corridor looking extremely distraught, Gwen will not be able to help him or comfort him in his misery.

When she sees Merlin walking around the castle grounds looking as if everything he has ever held dear has been taken away from him, she will never fully know the reason for his despair and there is nothing she can say that will take it all away.

She will look on upon her two dearest friends and watch them as they slowly build their broken walls back up and she'll wish only for their happiness to return.

***

Six months later, she finds out Merlin's secret by accident.

She and Merlin are out in the woods picking up firewood when a big, unsteady branch above them nearly falls upon them, almost crushing them.

Merlin stops it with his magic.

She's so surprised that she can't talk to him for the rest of the day.

Later, when she's had time to think about it, she realises what a fool she's been and goes over to Gaius' house to apologise.

She finds him at the table, his head bowed and looking extremely crushed.

"I'm so sorry, Merlin," she says, her words startling him.

He looks up only to find her looking at him imploringly.

She offers him a smile.

"I...you... will- _I'm sorry_," his words come muffled and confused.

She looks at him in puzzlement. "Sorry for what?"

He looks at her glumly. "For being magic."

She walks over to him and kneels down by his side, taking his hands in hers.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," she tells him.

His eyes widen. "You mean, you're not mad?"

"I can never be mad at you, Merlin. I should be the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I was just surprised, that's all."

He smiles at her. "I should have told you properly."

"You had no right to tell me. I understand, Merlin."

"I was afraid at how you might react. How anyone might react."

She looks at his face and then laughs. "You've tried to tell us before!" she cries, laughter in her voice. "And we did not believe you!"

He grins. "Do you know how frustrating that was?"

"I've only ever seen bad magic. I could never imagine you doing the same."

"Magic is neither good nor bad. It's the hands of the user that decide that."

She takes a moment to think. "You've used magic many times for good things and I've been blind to it... The person who placed a poultice to make my father better, that was you, wasn't it?"

He nods. "It was also me who got you unintentionally arrested. I'm sorry for that."

"Don't be. That was a long time ago. I'm just glad I had you looking out for me. Thank you, Merlin. For everything you've done."

He smiles fully then and seeing this, Gwen smiles greatly too.

"You don't get told that enough, do you?" she inquires.

He shakes his head.

"So who else knows your secret?" she wonders.

"Just Gaius. And now you. Oh, and perhaps a few magical people. Some of the evil variety."

"It must have been a hard burden to bear."

"The hardest," he tells her.

She brings his hands to her lips and places a kiss there. He smiles down at her and she looks up at him with new eyes. Merlin isn't just the physician's assistant and one of her best friends anymore.

He's so much more than that.

***

Another six months will pass and Gwen will witness a number of things.

She will watch as Morgana grows increasingly agitated by her dreams and Gwen's suspicions that her dear friend is magical will be confirmed. She will look on as Morgana finds no comfort in the restraints of Camelot and upon eventually finding out that Merlin has been magical all along, Morgana will spurn him; blaming him for her troubles. Broken-hearted, Merlin will struggle to cope with the demise of someone he loves, and Gwen will comfort him through the tears and the confusion; wishing for his happiness to return. Wishing for Morgana's happiness to return too.

Gwen will observe the way Arthur and the king react to Morgana's turbulence. Torn between the fact that they love her and the fear of her magic, there is nothing they can do to ease Morgana's heart.

And so Morgana falls and spectacularly so.

The Lady Morgause returns and though she doesn't fully understand who she is, Gwen knows it's something Merlin has been dreading since the day she stepped into Camelot.

In the storm that descends, Morgana finds out that Morgause is really her half-sister and that all along she's been living a lie. Rage and fury fall upon Camelot and with the darkness binding her heart, Morgana spares nothing.

When everything in Camelot is shattered and broken, Morgana and Morgause finally depart and in their wake, they leave behind a fallen king and wounded prince.

She never sees Morgana again.

***

Gwen spends the better part of the next year looking after Arthur. With his father now dead, Arthur is king, but existing in a perpetual state of numbness and shock, it is something he cannot handle well. Gwen knows that Arthur spends his days agonising over the fact that he's lost his father at the hands of the woman he saw as a sister.

There's no castle for Arthur to reside in, and as the shocked people of Camelot help to rebuild their broken castle as well as their own houses, Arthur spends most nights at Gwen's; one of the few houses not fully damaged by Morgana.

He will come in after a long day of touring the ruins and she will have dinner ready for him. He will barely speak and she will not ask about the horrors he has seen. Later, they will retire to her small bed. She will hold him as he lays there broken; wishing there was more she could do. Her hands will intertwine with his and as he cries, she will cry too, mourning the loss of her almost-sister and mourning the loss of the man she fell in love with.

She loves him still, of course, and she knows deep down he loves her too. But he is not the same person he was when she first fell in love with, and nor is she. The two of them are broken pieces that at this moment, struggle to fit together.

One day, the day will come when bright lights over shine their dark skies and they will get the chance to be together.

But for now, the best she can do is hold him tight and wish for his happiness to return.

***

It takes Camelot almost a year to be returned to its previous glory, and even then it still looks like a ghost of its former self.

With the castle rebuilt, Arthur is finally able to properly be crowned king and she, Merlin and Gaius watch on, wishing this scene to be different.

This man in front of them is not the king everyone was hoping for. The man that stands before them is hardened, less tolerant and less idealistic than the man who he was supposed to be. Whatever hopes she and Merlin had for a more liberal kingdom when she first learnt of his secret, are dashed. This king is just as unyielding as the last.

He proves this by immediately tightening up the rules on magic.

And for the third time in two years, Gwen watches as Merlin's heart breaks.

***

The day comes when Merlin can no longer keep his magic a secret. Watching on as Arthur punishes those who show even the slightest use of magic is too much to bear, knowing that he, Arthur's most trusted advisor, is the epitome of everything Arthur despises.

Arthur does not react to the news well.

Gwen stands beside Merlin as he breaks the news to Arthur. At first, Arthur says nothing and then his rage breaks out. He shouts words harsh enough to instil fear into her heart. Merlin tries to defend himself, but his words fall on deaf ears. Through their exchange, Arthur threatens to have Merlin hanged. She pleads with him not to and in the end, he banishes Merlin from the kingdom.

Both livid and disheartened, Merlin storms out.

Gwen remains in the room with Arthur, looking at him in disappointment.

His voice quietly angry, he says, "I can't believe you kept this from me."

"It was not my secret to tell."

Arthur says nothing, but she can see him fuming.

"Why are you sending him away?" she demands. "Merlin is your dearest friend!"

"He betrayed me and lied to me all this time. He practises magic, Guinevere!"

"Of the good kind, my lord! There is no harm in that."

He turns on her. "There is no such thing as good magic."

She looks at him, shaking her head. "I cannot standby you, knowing you've banished him away. You don't know how much he's helped you."

"None of that matters to me and I will not revoke my decision!"

She looks at him, studying his face; trying to find a sign of the decent man she once knew. But she finds nothing.

"Then I cannot stay here any longer."

She turns to walk away, tears glistening down her face.

"Guinevere!" he calls out.

But she does not turn to face him.

She never wished for this day to happen. She never wished for Arthur to lose everything. She never wished for Morgana to destroy everything in her anger. She never wished for Merlin and Arthur to turn against each other. She never wished for Arthur to change from the man she loved.

She only wished for their happiness.

And now, it is her turn for her heart to be broken.

***

She packs her things and joins Merlin as he readies a horse.

Seeing her and her provisions, a sad look passes on his face.

"You shouldn't have to come, Gwen."

"I cannot stay here knowing that you're gone. You should not have to do this alone, Merlin."

She sees the tears that he has been crying; sees the hardship in his face. She reaches to him and they hug one another, trying to find comfort when there is none.

He breaks away.

"The journey will be hard, Gwen. And there will be no coming back."

She nods. "I know. And I will not want to come back. Not when there's nothing to come back to."

They look at each other and then he readies a horse for her.

Gaius comes out and says his goodbyes. They know that he will find it hard without them, but Gaius cannot possibly come with them. The journey will be too much for him. They hug him hard and exchange more tears and he wishes them well.

They set upon their horses and ride off slowly, without a backwards glance.

If the two of them were to look back at the castle, they would find a lone figure watching them.

"Where are we going, Merlin?" she asks after a while.

"I don't know," he answers, honestly. "Far away from here."

A/N: A few things-

I deliberately avoided the topic of Gwen's father dying and Gwen's possible confusion/anger that Merlin did not help (seemingly). That would have complicated things.

There may be a sequel depending if people want it. Hope you enjoyed. Comments welcome!


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